Dizzy on my feet.

The last week has been a whirlwind of drama.
Drama beyond all comprehension.
Fights breaking out between friends which always seem to involve me in some way. Text message conversations that are transcribed to me, people not being up front and honest with how they really feel and/or what their actions REALLY are. Blame is like a plague around here these days. It's just crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

I have been out with a different guy just about every night for the last week. Anyone who TRULY knows me, knows that that is unlike me. They know that I hate dating with a passion. They know that unless you are something marvelous (or I'm genuinely bored and just want to be around a dude) then most of the time, I don't bother. But it was recommended to me that I "put myself out there" a few weeks back and voila... here I am. Out there. Not to worry, I'm not out there whoring myself. Nothing serious, nothing sexual, just casual dating. Some experiences have been better than others. A couple of the guys I really like. One that I like because he's such an ass, and us girls are drawn to the bad boy type. Two that are just as unrealistic as humanely possible. (I won't do long distance, ever. Again.) And one that I've been obsessing over since our hour and half long conversation over Miller Lites Wednesday night. Its all confusing, it's all very time consuming, and it's all very entertaining. I like having options.

The last 48 hours have been bizarre.

• A friend of mine made peace with her ex's friends. So now, it is okay for all of us to hang out, minus the ex of course. But last night, sitting at Foobar with all of them, it was kind of weird but yet really cool too. I had fun.
• Another friend of mine is scared to allow herself to be happy, to settle down, to be satisfied with something that is soooo good for her, probably one of the best things for her thus far. It's frustrating b/c she's so used to the other way and sometimes, I feel like it's not my place to say anything to her. It's her business. But the other part of me feels like I'm being a good friend by saying it, b/c no one else is. I genuinely just want this girl to be happy and not feel like she needs loose ends, b/c in the end, it drags you down.
• This other friend I drunkenly made up with at Chelsea and Brittany's graduation party last night. I don't know how secure that reconcilation is, but for the time being, it's not a topic of drama and stress that needs my attention.
• Jake and I had a lovely conversation this morning and he played guitar for me. Which basically blew his whole "I'm so hardcore" cover. At least for the morning it did. And it made for awkward morning conversation with my roommate after he left, haha.
• Ryan's roommate called me yesterday and unsuccessfully tried to pull the most digustingly twisted "joke" ever. I'm sure Ryan was in the background egging him out. Bastard. Basically, they called me while I was checking out of the line in Walmart and told me that Ryan had died. And left a letter about me. And that he'd want me to be at the funeral and could I come to Michigan. FUCKED UP. At first I kept asking if this was a joke, and he kept telling me it was not. So that's when I start shaking violently. I'm sure my face went white with horror. Then there was awkward silence and he goes, "Yeah, okay. I'm a dick. Sorry". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! How is that even remotely humorous?! Ryan is fucked up. He's always been fucked up. And the fact that he could let someone try to pull this on me is soooo disgusting. I'm irate of this idiot right now. And you know what the most disturbing part is? It's feasible. Nothing would surprise me anymore with Ryan. All the horrible situations that boy finds himself in, all the bad luck that the universe seems to bestow upon him in the last couple years. It wouldn't surprise me. And I know he still loves me. And if he died today, I KNOW there actually WOULD be a letter. That's what sick. I seriously never want to talk to him again.

Okay, so I start boot camp classes at the Y tomorrow. Four days a week, 5:30am. Wish me luck. I have to go to bed.

P.S. I missed my mom and granny today. A lot.