Vancouver.

Today has been such an emotional day. I think it's mostly b/c I'm exhausted beyond all comprehension. Like, seriously, I don't think I've ever been this tired...it's like, tired to the point of tears all day long. And for some reason, we thought it'd be smart to book me to sing demos and co-write all week long after the craziness of CMA Fest. Such a great idea....

CMA Fest was INCREDIBLE! I'll be posting pictures soon and blogging all about it soon after. So look for it on my MySpaces & Facebook. It seriously was one of the best weekends of my entire 22 years on this planet. A huge success!

But back to Vancouver...
I woke up this morning in Kingston Springs, and for the first time in 4 days, sat down in front of an actual computer. I then proceeded to check my Facebook & MySpace accounts. I was going through messages on my music MySpace, reading comments from people I'd met at CMA Fest and so on. I get to the last message and it's from Nick, with the headline "Just so you know". I didn't think about it at first and was about to open it when suddenly, this wave of nausea hit me. And my shaking hands led me to realize that this was NOT a Fan Fair fan.

This was Vancouver.

It was short, two sentences....that basically just apologized for what he put me through, b/c he knows I didn't deserve it. I was in shock. I'm still in shock. I don't even know how to react. I've told several people about it, and they all have their own response to it...but still...Wow.

I've waited 4 months for this apology, and after 4 months, you just accept that it's never going to come. I can't lie, I did wait for it at first. I hoped that he'd show up at my house, that a letter would come in the mail, that I'd receive a phone call/text message/email...SOMETHING that showed me I was acknowledged, even in the slightest bit. But after it never came, it just depressed me more. It made me feel insignificant. Like, how could someone find what their own actions so irrelevant when they were so earth-shattering for me??

He made a choice 4 months ago, and I didn't get a say in this decision...he made it for both of us. I never got to say what I wanted to say because it was over. End of story. But now, now he's brought it back. Now he's set it up for me to say something and I can't even find the words. We've all been through it...we always think, if I ever see so-and-so out, I'm gonna walk right up to them and give them a piece of my mind. But then the opportunity presents itself and we never do. I don't know...

I feel every emotion there is. I'd like to sit here and just shrug my shoulder, click "Delete", and act unaffected. But I'm affected. I kind of feel this weight in my chest, and I've been carrying it all day. His email has reminded me of everything that I try so hard to forget 99% of time. I don't want to think about him, how happy I was, what a douche bag he turned out to be, how devastated I was to experience all he put me through...

I'm trying not to read anything into it. And I'm sure there's nothing to it. But the emotional, 22 year old female in me wants to know...
I'm giving myself a few days to process this before I make ANY kind of decision on whether or not to respond. All suggestions welcomed.