180.

Here I am, telling the world how happy and blessed I am in my last entry. I had an INCREDIBLE show on Monday night at 12th & Porter that was completely packed out with industry people and friends hootin and hollerin for me. I walked off that stage feeling invincible. I don't feel that way so much today...

I hate that someone else's success can make me question my own or question the path that I'm on. I've never once doubted my talent, that I belong in Nashville, that have incredible people surrounding me and working for me b/c they believe in me whole-heartedly. I believe in my songs, in my gift, in my show, in my abilities. So how is it that something can happen to someone else and suddenly, I'm discouraged...? Is there only room for ONE of us in this industry or something? Ugh, I need to snap out of this bullshit mood.

I'm sitting here on vacation and not able to enjoy it 100% because I'm worried about things back in Nashville. I'm worried about when this is going to happen for me and when I get my shot, is it going to be enough? Is the label going to believe in me enough to give me that fair shot to prove myself? Not a Sarah Buxton or Sarah Johns or Emily West kind of shot...I mean, a Taylor Swift/Carrie Underwood kind of shot. Why is it that I feel like if I'm not on TV then I'm never going to get as good a chance as all those who are and are getting the attention, resulting in the record deals...? I just feel like I've come so far, worked my ass off, grew into the artist I am today that I'm extremely proud of...people in this town know me, I play all over town, I write with everybody and anybody...I've got the stage show down. I lost the weight, got a tan, dyed the hair...BECAME Rachel Williams the artist. Four years I've worked. And here, 2 minutes on TV is getting someone attention that I'm dreaming of. It sucks. It doesn't feel fair. But it's out of my control.

Why can't I just say "To each his own" and let it go..? TV was never where I saw myself anyway. It wasn't the kind of career I envisioned. It has worked wonders for some, but I never saw that as my path. I'm just so frustrated with the industry in general. It's not even this one instance...it's all of it. It's the people they are giving deals to overall. It's the shitty songs I keep hearing on the radio. It's all the generic blondes that are dominating CMT. I'm just so ready for people to wake up and see what's been in front of them all this time...what's been in front of them and what's not going away. Ever.

Okay...
That was my rant.
Slap me, tell me to shut up and get a grip, and then maybe I will.
;)