Eh...I'm not Canadian.

Allyssa is gone. Jen was here for a mere 24-ish hours and then was gone again. It's a bit overwhelming, I'm not going to lie. I'm taking it a bit better than I thought I would. However, I'm also writing this after a night out drinking with my friends. Jen's visit gave me a false sense of security... It felt like she never left. We took a ridiculous amount of pictures in her short visit and it was lovely. And then, the next morning, she was gone. I talked to Allyssa today while waiting for Rob & Chelsee to show up to dinner. That also didn't feel like reality. I don't think it's hit me that she's in another city. A city that's like 9 hours away...

I went to Cadillac Ranch tonight with Chelsee. Lame-o. However, it depressed me that there were actually attractive boys...none of which I talked to or talked to me. This upsets me. I think one of the reasons I'm so down about my friends moving away and other friends moving on with boyfriends, etc. is b/c I'm so A-LONE. My options are just so un-appealing, it's not even funny. I've never been so tempted to email back a certain ex than tonight. However, I have remained strong...despite the vodka, rum, and Jaguer. Yup, not doing it. Even now, with the f-ing Heidi Newfield video of "Johnny and June" playing in the background...not doing it. Tonight. But I know it's inevitable that I will. But at least I can sleep with my pride intact tonight.